Progress, not Perfection

Part of my reflection submitted in the course "Explorations in Individual and Family Resilience"

The article entitled “In Search of How People Change: Applications to Addictive Behaviors” discusses stages and patterns of behavior modification particularly in the realm of substance addiction. It has been said that change of addictive behaviors involves progression through five stages, i.e. pre-contemplation, contemplation, preparation, action, and maintenance. However, the experience and reality of relapse for those who underwent such process became bases to propose a model that would integrate the aforementioned stages with processes that occur within such stages. Instead of a “linear” model of change in behavior, the article proposes a “spiral pattern” of change where one may repeat a particular stage yet at the same time progressing towards termination of addictive behavior.

Hence, relapses should be seen not as a “failure” in the process; rather they may serve as opportunities to deepen one’s experience in a particular stage as they learn from their experiences and try something different the next time they happen. Through one’s internal drive to change and with the help of external intervention, a person seeking to change his addictive behavior is challenged to make the most of the stages and processes towards transforming oneself for the better.

I am struck by what Charles told me in our conversation: “In dealing with therapy and rehabilitation, what matters is progress, not perfection.” Indeed, it does not mean that when one undergoes the various stages of rehabilitation, his personal issues and addictions are over and done. True enough, self-awareness and dealing with one’s issues are not linear in nature; rather they are spiral in nature whereby these issues and the process of dealing with and managing them are lifelong processes. As such, there really exists the possibility of relapse of such in one’s lifetime, yet what matters is how one handles such situation and discovers something new from it.

Another important insight in this reading is the importance of building and crossing the bridge from awareness to action. Awareness, being the first step towards rehabilitation, is perhaps the most crucial in the process. In the words of Anthony De Mello SJ, “When you are aware, you can be in control; if you are not aware, it can control you.” No matter how much intervention and how many times one goes through the stages and processes of change, it ultimately depends on the person who wills to change for the better. Moreover, part of the process of healing and transformation is to help others to also change for the better. As Choncho mentioned in his discourse last meeting, “By helping others, I help myself.” Perhaps it is in leading others to change for the better that one’s process of changing for the better also comes to full circle.

Change is perhaps one of the most difficult things to do or handle, especially when patterns of behavior have already been established in one’s life. As the saying goes, “Change does not happen overnight.” Just as a seed slowly breaks its shell to open itself and eventually become a plant and eventually bear fruit, change involves a process of shattering, opening, growing, and sharing. For now, I appreciate the reality that there are gradual yet certain changes undergoing within me, and there would definitely be more to come. There is this saying, “Growing up is optional while growing old is mandatory.” And I believe that it’s never too late to do so.