a few days before valentine's day, i thought on posting something from my h4 cle lessons about love, particularly those taken from m. scott peck's book "the road less travelled."
M. Scott Peck will continues his discussion on love by discussing other myths of love. He looks at what relationships aren’t really love because they fail to achieve what love is meant for.
1. Romantic Love / Fairy Tale Love
According to this, there is one person “out there” that is “destined” for us forever. This cannot be love because once again, it removes the role of free will and of effort.
2. Dependency
In dependency, a person may be putting forth tremendous effort, but it is not yet love because it is not truly free. True love must come from one’s freedom.
3. Cathexis without Love
You can cathect many things (hobbies, people, etc.) but it is not love if there’s NO personal spiritual growth. If we make what we cathect our end goal, then we don’t grow spiritually. Reminder though, cathecting itself is not necessarily bad since it allows us to extend our ego boundaries and grow (through our hobbies, etc.), but it becomes the myth, hence detrimental to growth when cathexis becomes obsessive
4. “Self-Sacrifice.”
In this myth, the idea is that someone should always in order for it to be love. Again, we see a misconception of the act for love. It is not love because it does not lead to spiritual growth of the self and others.
Given all these myths, it is apparent that love is not a simple affair. It’s so easy to rush into love because of the “good” feelings it may provide us. But alas, emotions and feelings don’t last. To dwell on just this aspect of love draws us to the danger of bitterness and disappointment once we lose it later on. Relationships are tricky and very dynamic. M. Scott Peck (and even Pope Benedict) invites us to have a strong resolve; to have commitment in love. Couples have to work things out and think it through all the time.
tomorrow: love as decision and commitment
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