When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
Eight days. Eight days of silence and solitude seemed like eternity for a restless, hyperactive, and excited person like me. It seemed like forever: time was slow, days felt like months, and a week felt like a year. But these eight days after all was a sabbath: a time apart to remember because I easily forget, to disconnect in order to reconnect with what is truly essential, and to celebrate the God who calms my anxieties, the God who brings shattered pieces together again, the God who heals the wounds of the past, the God who calls despite my iniquities, and the God who continues to love me as I am.
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
God reveals himself through images and dreams through past experiences and future concerns, through hurts and pains, through a gentle and healing touch, through a tender and loving look, through the people he sent, and through his love made manifest in his call.
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
My experience of God in this retreat is truly empowering. Yet, I am reminded that it is not much of my own doing that matters. Yes, I can do much, but ultimately it is God himself, his grace, love, and providence, that prevails in the end. Like any gamer, I desire that the controller is always in my hands. Like any baller, I desire to make the game-winning shot. Like any driver, I desire to be in control of the steering wheel, the gear stick, and the pedals. But God invites me to trust and let him be himself, to let him be God. In the words of Kevin Fonacier: "Ginawa natin ang lahat sa abot ng ating makakaya, pero hayaan natin ang Diyos na maging Diyos." Be still and know that I am God.
And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth
Down from this mountain, down to the world go I. But I am not going down alone. In fact, I never went up the mountain by myself. God is with me, through the joys and tears, through the triumphs and defeats, through yesterday, today, and tomorrow. This perhaps is the most important fruit that I will bring with me: trust in God. There are things that I can do, there are factors beyond my control, yet I trust that God will continue to heal, call, and empower me, not for my own sake, but for the people He sends me to love and serve.
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
With that, I am willing to be God's instrument of love and service. I am but a mere pointer to him who is the point, the source of all life and love. As the call of service comes, I will allow God to work within me. In my final year in the seminary, I commit myself to be available to the call of service as a silent yet effective worker in the work of ministry especially in the apostolate. I commit myself to maximize opportunities of learning to equip myself to the life of love and service in my future ministry. I also commit myself to value silence and solitude where God reveals himself and reminds me of the fruits of this retreat and the Spiritual Exercises five years ago. Finally, with the approval and recommendation of my formators, I will apply for ordination to the diaconate and the priesthood in God's time.
Tears stream down on your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down on your face
And I...
Tears stream down on your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down on your face
And I...
Loving Father, source and giver of life and love,
here I am, your humble servant,
offering you my life.
All that I am:
my mind, my talents, my capabilities and possibilities,
my heart, the people whom I love, my family and loved ones,
my will, my dreams, my ambitions, my goals and desires, my hopes and aspirations, my achievements, my victories, my triumphs and accolades,
my all, my strengths and abilities, my brokenness and woundedness, my entire self, my entire body, everything that you have given me;
All the opportunities you have bestowed upon me,
all the people you have sent to love me,
all the gifts, talents, and treasures you have entrusted to me,
the vocation to the priesthood, to be of service to you and your people,
my past, my present, and my future,
all these are your grace, all these came from you, and all these I offer you.
You gave and entrusted these to me,
you sustained and nourished me and these gifts,
you who are all good, all powerful, and all loving Father.
I offer my life to you, for your greater glory.
Accept my humble sacrifice and use it according to your most holy will.
Your goodness, your love, your mercy, your grace are more than enough for me.
Because seeing you more clearly, loving you more dearly, and following you more nearly are its own reward.
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
Kevin Luther C. Crisostomo
7 June 2k12 - 11:33 PM
Mount Peace, Baguio City
8 Day Pre-Diaconal Retreat
AM+DG
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