Fog

Fogs. I like watching fogs.

Fogs remind me best of San Francisco. All in all, this kind of weather and atmosphere reminds me of the city where I want to stay: cold, a bit rainy, the smell of pine, and the fog.

Whenever there's a fog, I try my best to stop what I'm doing and just watch it. If possible, even join, bask in, and feel the fog. They are water vapor after all, but it's alright. I love the cold wind and small drops of water hovering over me. I feel calm and relaxed watching fogs. It disarms me. It makes me feel assured that everything is going to be alright.

But what's with fogs after all? They make views blurry and invisible. They come with cold winds that make me shiver. They may bring confusion to people threading the road. Why then do I like fogs?

I guess that's where I am right now. Everything is foggy and blurry. Nothing is clear at present: where I am, where I will be, and how will I get there. I can only see traces of what is in front. I can expect what lies in front of me in some way. I cannot speed up if I were driving, because I don't want to go crashing and burning down a ravine, or hitting another vehicle on the road. It tells me to slow down but keep moving forward as well.

It's foggy. But I enjoy the fog. I immerse in the fog because I know deep inside me that there's something beyond the traces of the road and the trees in front of me. I keep walking even with danger in front because I will be able to see clearly if I just keep my eyes on the road and move at the right pace. And the journey, not the destination, that brings me to where I should be.

At present, everything is not as clear as I want it to be. But this thing I know, believe, and commit myself to fulfill: I will make the most of my final year in the seminary, learning as much as I can, and keeping in mind that everything is for the work of ministry. I will apply for ordination - September, March, whenever that would be - I will make myself ready, then proceed from there. Because the fog is not meant to last forever, that friendly winds will clear the path and view ahead.

Fog. The blurriness, the confusion, the invisibility of the bigger picture, were all reflections of what's within me. But friendly winds that clear the fog serves as an assurance that everything is going to be alright, that God is in control, and there's nothing to fret when love is at the driver's seat. It takes three things to brave through the fog: faith that keeps me moving to move on with my journey, hope that the fog will not last forever and friendly winds will help me see what is in front and beyond, and love that entails me to risk slowly and surely with trust in God who is my ultimate end.

Kevin Luther C. Crisostomo

3 June 2k12

Mount Peace, Baguio City

8 Day Pre-Diaconal Retreat

AM+DG